If you are just now finding these posts, you may want to read my introduction to this series and Part 1 before reading this post.
As I said in my last post, after reading through the parable [Matthew 18:21-35] with my name inserted, I easily saw my place in the story as the "wicked servant." However, like the wicked servant, I still struggled with seeing the gravity of my debt/sin. I knew I had to understand how much I had been forgiven if I was ever going to learn how to forgive others.
I became temporarily detached from the sermon as I began to wrestle with God over my sin. I already admitted in my introduction post that I have always struggled to view myself as a sinner... being raised in a Christian home, I "prayed the prayer" to become a Christian at a very young age and developed a self-righteous, "goody two-shoes" attitude.
For the countless time, I begged God to reveal to me how sinful I was... that I would see my sin from a godly perspective.
I felt a suggestion:
"Why don't you write down your sins in a notebook?"
I answered:
"No."
The soft reply:
Why not?
My response:
I wouldn't want someone to accidentally find it and read everything I've done.
My response stunned me.
I, the one who struggled to see myself as a sinner, was embarrassed by the thought of someone else seeing my deeds laid bare.
As if a secret notebook wasn't bad enough, God suggested that I write my sins for all to see on a giant whiteboard. Every evil thought, every bit of my hate, every lustful indulgence, every judgemental comparison...
Every detail of my sinful heart written out for everyone to read...
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Suddenly all of the sins that seemed so petty moments before accumulated to form a huge, disgusting burden, and I was ashamed.
Ashamed because, while I never have to show you a giant white board that lists the details of my sin [Praise God!], I finally had a perspective on how God viewed me. He has seen it all... every evil thought and action that I would be mortified for you to know about. I was unworthy, inferior, ugly... ashamed.
Ashamed, but the shame quickly gave way to a new and glorious feeling: an overwhelming thankfulness unlike never before for the forgiveness that God has extended to me! I will never be able to explain how freeing this feeling was... it was like I had been blind my entire life and could suddenly see. I am so thankful that God opened my eyes to see His grace in such a new light.
Next week we will post the conclusion of this series: Forgiveness Part 3- The Debt Is Incalculable.
- Mandy
Remember, our God is so big that He forgives us all our sins. Pretty amazing huh? The icing on top is how He uses those sins, that the enemy intends for harm, to benefit others and glorify Himself as we share those sins with others. Wow. Enjoy your week/weekend friends; I know this humble servant will.
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